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What No One Tells the Bride: Surviving the Wedding, Sex After the Honeymoon, Second Thoughts, Wedding Cake Freezer Burn, Becoming Your Mother, Screaming about Money, Screaming about In-Laws, etc., by Marg Stark
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From Library Journal
Stark (Timeless Healing, LJ 5/15/96) has written a readable self-help guide for brides-to-be and newlyweds who are trying to adjust to this often anxiety-ridden passage in life and to solve the consequent identity crisis. Chapters touch on wedding postpartum, handling money squabbles, falling prey to stereotypes, timing pregnancies, and communication and criticism in a marriage. The text is interspersed with comments from the 50 (mostly white, middle-class) women whom Stark surveyed and interviewed. The result is a "feel good" book whose aim is to reassure newlyweds that their fears and anxieties are normal. Much of it reads like a woman's magazine article, offering somewhat simplistic advice: "breath deeply, and believe that your venture into love will succeed." But Stark does have a clear, readable style and a reassuring sincerity in drawing from her own life as well as others. A bibliography of about 14 books (mostly other self-help books) follows the text. Recommended for public libraries.AAnn Babits Grice, East Brunswick P.L., NJCopyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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About the Author
Marg Stark is a freelance writer whose articles have appeared in national and regional magazines, and the co-author of Timeless Healing with Dr. Herbert Benson. She and her husband have been married since 1995. They are still considered newlyweds by many.
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Product details
Paperback: 320 pages
Publisher: Hyperion; 1st edition (May 27, 1998)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 078688262X
ISBN-13: 978-0786882625
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces
Average Customer Review:
3.9 out of 5 stars
66 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#1,218,094 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I thought this book was slightly helpful and had a fairly good perspective. It is a little fluffy-- advice is really only given in a few bullet points with a few scant examples, but if you were in the same situation it might help lighten up your perspective. I am reading this after being married for 2 years and found that I had gone through pretty much every situation mentioned, which was nice. But if I read it at the time it wouldn't have given as much help as I would have wanted.That being said, I am in her target audience (been single many years,living on my own, professional, married in 30s). If you are not in this group a lot of the struggles will not apply to you. Also if you are not in the independent, feminist, I'm doing it my way, you can't make me your little wifey kind of attitude, this book will seem weird. If you are more traditional, have long wanted to be an old fashioned wife, or don't seek the "equal partnership" she keeps talking about, this book isn't really for you. Its more for the later-married-feminist to read so she won't feel bad about how she's going crazy being newly married and having to share for the first time lol. I'd only recommend this book to a few of my friends and just for entertainment really.
I will be honest and say there are not many books out there (that I could find) about the emotional transitions of the engagement/wedding process. Of the three books that I read (the others being "the conscious bride" and "emotionally engaged") this book felt the most grounded to me. Probably because outside of the first few chapters the author does not talk about wedding planning. Stark really focuses on recognizing what emotions we may be going through and some ideas for dealing with it all. The truth is, that for me, the best part of the book is that it reminds me that I don't have to walk into my marriage knowing how everything is going to turn out (who's going to do the dishes, take out the garbage, how often will we have dinner together). With time, patience and talking my husband-to-be and I will figure it all out. To me, this is immensely helpful.Just a note on the poor reviews:*The author does not condone a fling or adulterous behavior. As far as I understood, she was sharing one bride's experience and that bride seemed to regret it. Either way, this is one line of the entire book and did not stop me from reading the whole book.*Stark does talk about her own marriage a lot. She's sharing her own experience and I take in all she says with a grain of salt.*As for whinny... maybe I don't see it because the other two books gave so much more permission to act out, but I didn't see that here. I only saw Stark trying to sort through her emotions and trying to make sense of them.
I love this book. Honestly, I don't think I would have understood what I was getting myself into had I not read this before I got married. I really do think this is a must read for all brides to be. I bought one for my best friend who just got married, and I intend on buying a copy for every single friend of mine who decides to tie the knot. WORTH THE READ! It came in promptly and was in better condition than I imagined it would be. Very happy with my purchase.
I didn't find this book helpful and returned it. A lot of the information I found in here was personal experiences, ideas of what to watch for, and some general ideas of what to talk about before the wedding. It's like a "be prepared for this in the wedding/marriage." The reason I didn't find it helpful is it was full of all the things we always hear about being a bride and wife. There wasn't really "new" information in it. And while it sort of addresses how to combat some of the things that come up, I just didn't feel it helped me in any way.
This is a good book for those of you women about to get married and feeling a little overwhelmed by all the changes about to take place in your life. Marriage is an identity change for sure and this is a good way to ease your mind. I had no doubts about my decision to get married, I was just overwhelmed by whether or not I had what it took to be a good wife (and what does that mean anyway?). This book made me see that my anxieties were normal, but that I could totally get through this and everything was going to work out. As a postscript, I have been married for more than 2 years now and it has unquestionably been the best experience of my life. Seems funny that I was so worried back then, but I was!
I was very disappointed in this book. I didn't think it was funny or shared funny stories and couldn't relate to any of it at all. I can't even remember the highlights of the book and I just finished it last night ! I thought the advice was sketchy and incomplete, there are dozens upon dozens of references to other books that made me feel as if I should be reading those books instead of this one. I thought I would feel enlightened after this book but it didn't offer that at all. It has a few interesting points but only dabbles on them before shifting to a new topic that seems off the track. I felt the author was stretching in some of her stories - she had a story and would mold her story into some sort of advice that didn't seem to really fit. It was difficult to get through, I found myself skipping entire pages just to get to the point.I'm getting married in a month and don't feel as if this book offered me any insight to what is on the horizon for me.
I hate to be the lone dissenter, but this book really didn't help me sort out my pre-wedding thoughts. A few months before my wedding, I began to feel somewhat nervous about leaving my single life behind and "becoming another person." I bought this book hoping that it would offer advice and some reassurance that my feelings were shared by other brides.While it did indeed indicate that my sudden identity concerns were common, I found that most of Stark's advice was based on her own marriage, with a few tidbits thrown in from a few interviews she had done with several young brides--although most of it is common sense. I found myself often thinking that I was reading Stark's autobiography.That said, it does have some good pointers and a few good stories that a lot of brides can relate to.
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